I have been using this blog to make order out of so many things that remain in disorder in my mind. Some days the words come and I let them come. I see a line. I feel its essence. The words flow. I note them down.
Other days, words are hard to come by. We go through a day or two with no words in sight. Then there are days when they come just as I am waking up. Or just as I put my baby to bed. Mist for example from a week a go, came after reading a poem by Gwendolyn Brooks. Invisible things from Ben Okri’s song of freedom and why children of stars ought to amaze. The sheer simplicity of that line, let words out of me that reminded me again and again why even the unseen aspects of my life was sublime.
The past days/weeks has been full of indifference to me, a black woman in academia. The source from multiple places and multiple people. So when I dwell on the why, flesh out the what or even describe the how, all that I keep doing is reminding myself of why I need to hold on to my dreams now more than ever. I am Onyelo’s daugther afterall. An existence that was never expected, if Juliana didn’t persevere.
Everything I do isn’t by accident. Everything that comes my way is part of my destiny too. The process for my becoming. Those that keep me in awe these days are the reasons why I know I have to keep this blog. You have opened my eyes in ways I never dared to dream. Having an outlet for all the disorder on my mind, has allowed me to surpass all the dreams I had for myself despite all the stress and change that came along the way. I am Onyelo’s daughter after all. Nothing happens by accident.
The past two days has my soul being still. What the lord is about to do is beyond me. Chaos came this week. But then I remembered Psalm 121. As if on cue, Ronke Faleti texted and asked if we would hang out on Friday. I said I am tied up but hey, I need help and I’m drowning can I lean on you. All of this may seem like I’m rambling but know that when God is for you, what he will do will surprise and surpass even your dreams. If the chaos came on Wednesday, nearly 2 days later, Ronke came through with 3 lifelines. As if that was not enough, I saw Anwuli. Like literally saw a person named Joy from nowhere that I kept saying the name of the lord. I share all this to say look up to heaven always and know who you are. I am Onyelo’s daughter, an impossible dream. This one is for you Ronke, my sister from another mother. I love you tire.